Not The Mama
by Lubadub
Summary: Eric and Sookie approach Pam to help them with something huge. How will her world change once she realizes exactly what she's gotten herself into? A promo for The New Chapter contest. M for language


**A/N: Being a judge for The New Chapter contest is going to be a lot of fun. I'm so excited to see what all you AH newbies can throw together! Babies are so exciting and I was thrilled to write this promo fic for the contest. Check out the contest profile here (without the dots):**

**http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2507718/**

**Enjoy the fic!**

**Beta'd by the lovely chiisai-kitty**

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

My assistant, Chow, was quivering in the corner like a little puppy dog when I stormed into the office an hour after opening and demanded to know why Eric wasn't here yet. He was my business partner and closest friend, and was always the first one to show up in the morning. It justified my preference to sleep in. Chow spit out some lame ass excuse and slid me my morning latte, avoiding eye contact at all costs. He was a wise little minion, he'd last a long time at the PR firm Eric and I owned. He would never amount to anything past coffee-boy, but, if I'm being honest, I don't think he could handle anything more mentally challenging in his life than my coffee order. Eric came back to the office later that day looking completely dejected.

"Dear Lord, cheer up would you? You look like someone just dinged your Corvette."

He took a deep breath, stepping into my office, shutting the door. I didn't really want to know the depth of the can of worms I just opened.

"I took the morning to take Sookie to our appointment with the fertility doctor. Apparently, she has an inhospitable womb, whatever the fuck that means. The doctor said it would be nearly impossible for her to carry a pregnancy to term."

My heart sank. I wasn't into the whole baby thing, but Eric and Sookie had been trying for almost two years now. Ugh, sympathy was a nasty emotion.

"I'm so sorry. Why are you even here? You should be at home with her, I could only imagine what she's feeling right now."

"She said she wanted some time alone to process everything and I needed to focus my brain on something else for a while."

"You're a grade A moron when it comes to women sometimes. I can't even fathom how Sookie has put up with you for so long. When she says she wants to be alone, she means she wants you to comfort her anyway. Go home. I don't want you working on anything right now anyway. You're ruining the energy here."

"Pam..."

"God, I'm trying to be nice. Go home. Be with your wife."

He ran his hands through his hair and over his face. He looked like he'd aged ten years since I saw him yesterday.

"She's wanted a baby forever. I don't know what we're going to do."

"You're going to take a little while to absorb the news and then move on. Examine your options. Having passionate, primal sex isn't the only way to bring a crib magnet into the family."

"You have such a delicate way with words, you know that?"

"It's why we've worked out so well as business partners, darling. You charm the pants off them, I use my persuasive tongue to get what we need."

"I'm not even going to think about the full implications of what you just admitted to. The less I know, the less I have to admit to any ethics board. But, in any event, you're right. I should go home. If you need anything..."

"I won't. Get out. If I don't hear the Corvette peeling out in less than ten minutes, I'm going to kick your ass. And I really don't feel like ruining a new pair of shoes. Your bony ass is not worth scuffing the patent leather."

He laughed and went to leave, but before he was out the door, he turned to me. Eric loved getting the last word in. "Just so you know, I do not have a bony ass. Sookie tells me it's luscious and her favorite body part."

He closed the door with a smirk, while I shouted an obscenity laced comment comparing him to Jennifer Lopez. Sure enough, I heard the roar of his perfectly restored engine a few minutes later, heading off into the afternoon sun. I personally didn't see the big appeal of babies. They cried and whined and shit their pants, all without ever sleeping when you really wanted them to. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved practicing, but there was a reason I had stock in Trojan and popped a little pill every morning.

All baby related thoughts were out of my brain while I worked on a variety of different projects throughout the day. But as I sat at home that night, with my assorted Thai take out containers watching television, every other commercial seemed to be related in some way to child-rearing. Was this my maternal clock chiming in? I was quickly approaching thirty with no intention of settling down. I had a handful of fuck buddies I could get in touch with for a booty call at a moment's notice. Not only was I satisfied in my sex life, I had a job I loved that financed my shopping addiction with money to spare, a closet full of designer shoes and clothes, a brand new Audi in my driveway and a beach front property in Malibu that movie stars envied. My life was complete just the way it was. I didn't need an ankle biter ruining things for me.

Before I went to sleep that night, I admired my figure in the mirror. A perfect hourglass that I'd never get back if I ever got knocked up. Call me vain, but I was gorgeous.

Eric ended up taking a week off from work. When he came back the next Monday morning, he was perfectly tan and looked infinitely happier. They must have spent the week screwing each other's brains out. Good for them.

"Welcome back. I'm so glad you decided to leave when the final decisions on the Leclerq campaign had to be made on Thursday. Oh, and you missed the presentation on Friday, where Sophie-Ann and Andre kissed every five minutes. You weren't there to make snarky comments to. I had to resort to telling them to Yvetta, but you know she doesn't really understand my humor. They must not teach sarcasm in Russia."

"Yvetta is from Estonia. And she doesn't laugh at your jokes because they're not funny. I only laugh to humor you. It's worked for years, I'll keep doing it since I don't want to mess with a good thing."

I rolled my eyes, but I was glad on the inside. The Eric I knew and loved was back. "Regardless, fill me in. What's got you so happy?"

"I took Sookie away to a spa in Arizona for the week. We spent everyday reconnecting, it was the best thing we could have done. We did a lot of talking and came to some really solid conclusions."

"Fabulous. What third world country will the future Mini Northman be coming from?"

"Funny you should ask. Sookie wants to meet with us for lunch so we can both fill you in. Sound good?"

"Sure, I'd love to hear about your week long fuckfest. I just love being included in all your couple things. It warms my heart, and allows me to live vicariously through you so I don't have to do something stupid, like settle down."

Something was up. Eric spent the rest of the day being nice to me, taking over on some of the clients I knew he really didn't want, getting me coffee, and a variety of other annoying things. Maybe he felt bad about abandoning me during a crazy time, but I was the one who told him to leave. He was going to ask me to do something for him that I really didn't want to do, I just knew it. We walked down the block to a little deli that made the most amazing panini sandwiches you've ever had. Sookie was there waiting for us, holding down a table from the other lunchtime vultures. She might look sweet, but she was a tough Southern girl, raised on a farm, or some shit like that. All I knew was, there was a serious fighter under there somewhere. Even I knew better than to invoke her wrath.

We chatted about the treatments they had at the spa, which she highly recommended I check out on my next vacation. After a few minutes of delightful banter, they looked at each other and got serious. Eric gets this intense look in his eye when he needs to get down to business.

"Pam, how long have we known each other?"

"At least ten years. Why, what does that have to do with anything?"

"You're the one person, besides Sookie, that I trust with my life. You're a sister to me, to both of us."

He clasped hands with Sookie, who looked like she was having a hard time holding it together. I didn't like the direction this conversation was taking.

"Spit it out, what do you need?"

"Sookie and I want to ask you to be a surrogate for our child."

Holy fuck, they rendered me speechless. That hasn't ever happened before. I always had a snide comment for every occasion, but here I was, completely stunned. "You what?"

"I know it's asking a lot, but hear me out. Adoptions can take years to go through and there are cases where surrogates back out of handing over the baby at the last minute. I know that neither Sookie nor I could handle something like that. It's so hard to find someone to trust with the life and development of your child."

My brain still hadn't caught up. "Keep explaining."

Sookie picked up from there. "I spoke on the phone this morning with our fertility specialist, Dr. Crane, who's the top of her field here in California, by the way. I asked her about doing something like we're suggesting and she talked me through it. Basically, my eggs would be harvested and fertilized with Eric's sperm in a lab. Then, the embryos would be implanted in you with the hopes that one would stick. You'd carry it to term but the baby would be genetically ours."

I put the other half of my sandwich down. My appetite abandoned me with the mention of Eric's sperm. I ran over everything she said in my brain a few times, trying to process it all. It just wasn't happening.

"You said embryos? As in multiple embryos?"

"The odds that one will stick are very slim, so they try to increase those odds by using more than one."

"So you're saying I could be the next OctoMom or Kate Gosselin."

"No, they'd probably only use three or four, since you're healthy and young. But like I said, the odds are in your favor for only having one baby."

Eric chimed in again. "Pam, just hear us out. We'd totally provide for you and cover all the medical expenses. This is something we really want, and you're our best option right now."

"You have to have other friends you can use as an incubator; more qualified, maternal friends."

"None that either of us would trust with something like this."

I took a long drink of my lemonade, avoiding looking at either of them. When I set the glass back down, I met shifted my glance between their eyes. They both looked like their combined happiness was riding on this. Was I up to something like this? Could I really do the whole pregnant thing and then just give it away? Did I want to suffer through morning sickness, back aches, swelling, weight gain, a million different restrictions with no pay out in the end?

Wait, no. There was a payout. I met Sookie's eyes again. I've had more baby talks with her than I ever wanted to. I knew for a fact that she's wanted to be a mom since she was a little kid. The hope and expectation was all I could see on her face. Eric, too. He was a brother to me, the one who put up the capital for our crazy little business venture that made us both into millionaires. This was all they wanted. I had never done a selfless act in my entire life. Maybe it was time to start raking in the karma chips.

"Okay, I'll do it."

Sookie screamed and ran over to my side of the table to hug me, where she promptly broke down into tears. Eric was smiling wider than I'd ever seen. It was a huge, life changing decision, yet one of the easiest I ever had to make. I took more time contemplating my wardrobe this morning.

* * *

"Sookie, if you don't settle down, I'm going to lose my mind."

"I'm sorry, but we're going to hear the heartbeat today! It's exciting!"

Six months later, we were sitting in a small room, waiting on an ultrasound. The doctors had opted to wait a few months before the first round of IVF to allow all traces of birth control to get out of my system. No sense in trying to get me pregnant if the pill was still working in any capacity. I'd taken the fertility drugs, and completely changed my lifestyle. I don't even want to talk about the time I had to go without orgasming for the stability of my womb. Worst days of my life and the longest I've gone since high school.

But here we were at my twelve week ultrasound, waiting to hear the tiny whooshing that was the baby's heartbeat. I'm not so cold as to admit I wasn't bouncing on the inside. Despite my cool demeanor, I was ecstatic the day I saw the pregnancy test was positive. This so rarely happens successfully on the first try. I was proud of my uterus that day.

My OB/GYN, Dr. Thornton, came in a few minutes later to begin the exam. She ran down the standard list of questions and finally got around to lubing up my stomach with that ice cold gel. The minute the wand touched skin, I heard it. It was a weird noise, but one my new maternal ears picked up on right away. But why was there an echo?

"You're in luck. Looks like this is a case of buy one, get two free."

My heart sank, and from Sookie and Eric's expressions, the weren't in much better shape than I was. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means I'm picking up three distinct rhythms. Congratulations, you're having triplets."

Second time in my life I've been struck speechless. For God's sake, this was not what I signed up for.

"All three embryos took? Sookie and Dr. Crane both said the odds of that happening were small."

"Small, but not impossible."

She ran down a list of things I'd have to do to prepare my body for all three babies. My shock didn't allow me to catch all of them so I really hope Eric or Sookie was listening. Something about increasing calories and levels of prenatal drugs. Holy crap, three of them.

My silence must have freaked them out. Sookie sat with me in the backseat while Eric drove, trying to get me excited. Why should I be this freaked out? It's not like I was going to have to raise them. I wasn't in charge of late night feedings at random intervals between their three hungry mouths or the mountain of diapers three shit machines would go through. It was the risks associated with multiple pregnancies that had me worried. What if something happened to one of them, or all of them? I'd feel guilty, and I hate that useless emotion. God, pregnancy was making me an emotional mush. I hope it wore off after the hormones were gone.

"Pam?"

I looked over at Sookie, who must be having a panic attack by now. She was more neurotic about this pregnancy than I was, which was only fair since she was the one who got to take the end product home.

"I know what you're about to say, and I'm fine. It was just a bit of a shock to learn that there are three things growing inside of me, instead of just one. I just needed a minute to adjust."

"Pregnancy is making you soft, Pam, you've always been a roll with the punches type of girl." I could kill Eric. Since when was he the snarky one in this relationship?

"Yeah, well when you learn that you're pushing three times the original mass out of your vagina, you're allowed to be shocked, too. I should be grateful, though, hearing that news made the decision to go the Cesarean route way easier."

Sookie looked like I just punched her in the face. "Oh no. We're doing a natural delivery. It's not safe to have them pump drugs into your system."

I gave her a hard look before answering. "Allow me to reiterate the point I just made to your husband. My vagina, my rules. I am not pushing three of them out. Not going to fucking happen. I've been watching those delivery shows on the Discovery Channel. Do you see how sweaty those women get? How much pain they're in? No fucking way am I going through that. The only time I break a sweat is when there's a man pushing something into me, not pulling three little somethings out."

"Technically, if he's fucking you, he would be pulling out at some point." Eric was just so helpful during these debates.

"Fuck off."

"Pam, you should stop cursing so much. The babies can hear you. You shouldn't corrupt their little minds."

I looked at Sookie as if she'd grown several heads since we left the doctor's office. "Are you for fucking real? They're three months old, there's no way in hell they know what the fuck I'm talking about."

She blinked at me several times, her way of telling me she was ignoring whatever just came out of my mouth. "And we're going to completely revamp your diet. You're going organic, no more pesky pesticides in your system."

"Sookie..."

"No! This might be your pregnancy but those are my babies and I have every right to tell you what should be put into their bodies. This isn't about you, Pam, this is about us and those three precious lives growing inside you."

I stared at her for a few minutes, giving her the sign to ramble on with her list of rules. While she had a valid point, it didn't mean I was going to listen. I'd let her get everything out in the open and follow them while I was around her. But God help me when I was home alone.

* * *

Eric and Sookie insisted on the three of us doing everything together. So we attended Lamaze class and even parenting class as a trio. They rationalized it as being strange to show up to said parenting class without a pregnant lady. Whatever, I think they just liked spending time with me and their future kids. Sookie's hand was always on my stomach, feeling for them to kick or move. She loved being part of that. I couldn't blame her. The class we were currently in was some sort of mediation crap that Sookie believed in.

"It's important to assign a name to the baby while it's still in the womb so it can associate your voice with its name once it's delivered."

Where the hell did Sookie find this chick? She was smoking more crack than a five dollar hooker and handing out the weirdest advice I'd ever heard. She looked like one of those crazy people who lived in Woodstock and still thought the concert was going on, forty years later. She must have dropped some serious acid back in the day.

She actually went around the room and made each of the couples share what they call their baby. Eric and Sookie had taken to calling them their "little ones" which made me gag every time I heard it. I gave them each a name and knew which one was giving me grief by the intensity and location of the pain. Louboutin was the one who liked to attack my left side, Ferragamo preferred the right, but Dolce always went right for the bladder. What? Normal people name their children after the one's they love most, why shouldn't I? Miss Holly didn't like that answer very much. Neither did Sookie, but Eric thought it was hysterical.

I made it through the rest of the class without blowing my brains out or permanently freezing my eyes inside my head as I rolled them for the umpteenth time. They drove me home since I no longer fit behind the wheel of my car. Sookie checked my fridge to make sure it was properly stocked. They left with a round of hugs and kisses, for both me and the belly, before finally leaving me alone. All this together time was really wearing me out. I didn't know how much more I could take.

I plopped myself down on the couch with a container of Ben and Jerry's I kept hidden in the back of the freezer to some Project Runway before bed. When a particularly heinous design came on the screen, Ferragamo nailed me right in the kidney. He/she obviously agreed with Heidi and Michael that it was a train wreck. I rubbed the spot where I thought it was as a sign of unity. The other two seemed to be quiet, while 'Gamo was doing cartwheels. Maybe they were just running out of room to all be active at once. How joyous for me, I got to be in a constant state of attack by the heathens and they weren't even born yet.

We settled in for the night after the episode with my usual plea to the three of them to leave me alone long enough to get a few quality hours of sleep. It worked long enough for me to drift off with dreams of being a size two once again.

* * *

I made it thirty three weeks before the doctors decided it was time to go ahead with my Cesarian. I'd been suffering long enough. I didn't fit into any of my clothes, or my shoes. It didn't matter really since I gained sixty pounds and hadn't seen my feet in weeks. I cried nearly every day. I knew the daytime television line up by heart after being put on bed rest seven weeks ago. It was time to serve the eviction notice to my three little tenants.

Laying on that table, waiting for the procedure to start was quite possibly the most nervous I've ever been in my entire life. I never got nervous or anxious over anything. Big important meeting with a big important client? Those give me a hard on. Hot guy at the bar that I really want to fuck? I don't waste time with butterflies in my stomach, I just walk over and tell him he's coming home with me. Same goes for hot girls. But this? My heart was racing, my palms were sweating and my mind was running at a hundred miles an hour.

Eric and Sookie were in the room with me, decked out in the hospital's finest sterile couture. As things got started, Eric reached over and grabbed my hand. Sookie was stroking my hair, which normally would piss me off, but in this instance, it was very soothing. A full response team was in the operating room with us, prepared to care for the babies in case something was wrong. I had hoped it was just the hospital being overprotective. At our last office visit a few days ago, Dr. Thornton said everything was fine and the babies looked ready for the world. It didn't change the fact that I was nervous for them; I'd grown very attached to the little boogers and would feel awful if anything bad should happen.

Over the silent prayer running in my head, I heard the doctor call out that Baby A was a boy, but B and C were both girls. I didn't care what she had to say, all I heard was the three different cries from the other side of the room. Crying meant they were healthy and I'd given Eric and Sookie exactly what they wanted. Sookie ran over to where the nurses were cleaning them up, while Eric awkwardly hugged me. I told him to go see his children, letting go of his hand. I listened in to the nurses calling out measurements; they were small, but from what I read, average sized for triplets. Immediately after cleaning them up, the babies were brought to the NICU to make sure they were okay. I was hoping all the preventative measures we took helped in the long run. I just wanted Eric and Sookie to have healthy, happy babies. Lord knows I wasn't doing that again. Not for a long time.

I was taken to a recovery room where I passed out instantaneously. I was exhausted from the delivery and the highly emotional state I was in all day. I don't think I've ever been this tired in my life, and I'd gone days without sleep during Fashion Week. I don't know how long I was out, but when I woke up, Eric was sitting next to me, the biggest shit eating grin on his face.

"Hey, Daddy. How is everyone?"

"Sookie hasn't left the NICU. Babies are all fantastic, perfectly healthy, all thanks to you. I can tell you this now, but I didn't think you'd ever agree to it. During the first few months, when it was all tests and doctor's appointments I was convinced you were going to back out. You amazed me. Thank you so much for doing this."

"Aw shucks, you're going to make me blush. It was about damn time I did something for someone other than myself. And who better to do it for than the people I love the most, aside from myself, of course."

"We finally settled on names once we met everyone. The little girls are Audrey for my grandmother and Mikaela for Sookie's mom. And for the boy, we kept one of your pet names."

"Poor little Dolce is going to get the crap beat out of him at school."

"No, Christian, though you preferred Mr. Louboutin's last name when cursing him out for kicking. Don't think I didn't hear you through the common wall we share at the office. But, let's be honest, there's not a chance in hell of me not cursing in front of them either. That was a stupid rule Sookie asked you to follow."

"If we're being honest, I didn't follow any of her cracked out rules. Except for the medically suggested ones, those I gave a little weight. Let's hope he doesn't develop a taste for his namesakes in my closet. Either that, or one of his sisters better be butch enough to be the rough and tumble son you want."

"Eh, I'm just glad they're healthy. And if that is the case, I trust you to make sure he's fucking fabulous and we'll share responsibility for teaching them the best way to pick up girls."

I laughed, holding most of it back as to not rip the stitches out of my lower abdomen. When we both calmed down, I asked what I wanted to since I woke up.

"Do you think I'm good to get up and see them?"

"You probably can't walk down, but I'll grab a nurse to wheel you down."

We made our way down to the NICU acting like we used to before I carried and delivered his babies into the world. It was good to slide back into that role with him; he'd stayed fairly even headed throughout the pregnancy, especially compared to Sookie, but he still wasn't himself around me. I was carrying around some seriously precious cargo for him, so it didn't surprise me that he treated me with kid gloves most of the time.

We washed up and went into the busy room lined with incubators and families. Eric pushed me over to where Sookie was sitting so I could finally meet the newest Northmans on the block. Even I had to drop my hard ass persona when I saw their little forms, each about four pounds of squirmy pinkness that took my breath away.

"So it's been decided that you'll call me Aunt Pam, because after what I did for the three of you, we're closer than blood. I'm the one who's going to teach you to be fierce and develop your sense of sarcastic humor perfectly. I'll have you deadpanning one liners before you're out of diapers. And just remember, when your mom pulls that infamous, 'I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out of it,' you tell her to take it up with me. And if anyone tries to knock you down, I will personally take them out. I'm not above beating down little kids on the playground for messing with my nieces and nephew."

Sookie was staring at me after my little speech, but she had to know I wasn't going to be the typical aunt. I stayed for a while longer, until I was too tired to keep my head up and follow along with the conversation. A nurse brought me back to my room so Eric and Sookie could stay with the babies a little longer. After a power nap, I was ready to go home and get back to work but the hospital had other things in mind. Apparently, I had to stay at least forty-eight hours so I bitched and moaned and worked from my phone instead. Not to worry, I made life a living hell for my nurses as payback.

* * *

One month after the triplet's introduction to the world, I was sitting at home, alone, on a Friday night. I was slowly getting back into the swing of things, but without breastfeeding, losing the weight was a bitch. I spent some time with Sookie, Eric and the babies but mostly gave them their time to bond. Luckily, Eric knew I was always a phone call away when he or Sookie needed an extra set of hands. Yeah, I kept up the helpful act even after our eight month contract was done. I was attached to the little screamers, sue me.

But I kept having this weird feeling I couldn't quite kick. I'd finally pinpointed it earlier at the office; I was lonely. I had gotten so used to their company, being by myself was suddenly very strange. Maybe it was just some postpartum, but I was craving someone else's presence. The house was just empty without my little fetuses. I started to run through names in my head of friends I could call but I realized all the people I'd associated with in the past would never understand the new person I'd become. Was this my epiphany that I wanted to settle down, to know the constant companionship a boyfriend or husband could bring? Maybe I should just adopt a dog, they were less complicated.

I picked up my BlackBerry, hoping to find at least one human being I could talk to. As soon as I opened the contact's list, my eyebrow rose of its own volition. Alcide Herveaux was a real estate agent I'd gone out with what felt like forever ago, but wrote off after one night because he was looking for long term relationship material and that wasn't me. Maybe he was worth another try.


End file.
